Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Who Watches Over Your Garden?

I've noticed, over the years, changes that have occurred in the way I view myself. It has become more evident even coming from a family many viewed as the 'Nelson Family'. But as time moved from adolescence to adult it became more apparent that I, like others in the family, whether they want to admit it or recognize it, were dysfunctional in a functioning dysfunctional family.

I am not letting anything out of the bag here. There is evidence in many of the siblings lives pointing to personal choices made based on perceptions we viewed or were subjected to from our parents. Even most recently, how our mother who recently experienced a stroke that has altered her personality (this information is based on many communiqu├ęs received and read from siblings over the last 6 months). Don't get me wrong, I, as with all my siblings love our parents with our whole hearts. They gave more spiritually and emotionally then most parents of our generation but, they also displayed manners that would be questionable if analyzed closely.

Many have seen noticed the subtle changes in our father over the years where he became more open to accepting a demonstrative actions (i.e. kissing on the cheek or hugging and whispering "I love you" in his ear). Mom, on the other hand, has demonstrated complete change in behavior and perception since her stroke earlier this year. Here is what I believe she is experiencing. She is rebelling. She is irritated and confused by how she is feeling, feelings that may have been repressed by a friend/husband that meant good but in his haste to be a provider and 'fix-it man' subjected her to his learned control behavior keeping her from doing things or experiencing things she otherwise would have done without him.

I mention all this because little did we know we were all pretty dysfunctional and some made poor decisions in relationships/marriages. But through love of God, faith, laughter (at our selves) and the insight to share, we are all managing to spring new stringers (the long stems that shoot out from the major stem of a flowering plant) which ultimately can be trimmed producing new leaves and flowers if they are not already. We are the gardeners that have to look to God for his help. Like a good father, our Father (God), knows more then our father. God is the manager of the nursery and assists, not helps, us in tending to our gardens. Given the right tools He helps us in managing the problems we face and most importantly the choices we make.

How will you tend to your garden? What choices will you make? Will you ignore signs that ultimately stagnate growth or will you take time to ask for help, find tools to make your garden grow? Who is your gardener?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Why the Anxiety?

I just completed my first 3-person interview. Frankly, I was expecting a firing squad of questions. It was about 7 questions. I spent 3 days studying the company profile, memorizing specific company financial statistics and the latest broadcast news. None of this information was ever asked. So why the anxiety?

I continue to receive those email alerts from "those professional job sites" about what you should focus for interviews and frankly, they were about 90 degrees off.
The interviewers asked questions about experience and how I perceive myself professionally. Let's face it, if you don't know yourself by now then, yes, study and re-study by WRITING DOWN things about your previous positions like:

What's your best working quality?
What's your least quality? and how can you improve?
What makes or does not make you a Team Leader?
What was the most challenging part of your last position?

These are questions that you have to qualify without stumbling over yourself and should already reflect many parts the resume. I was comfortable. I had good eye contact with each individual in the group and I did not fidget during the question or answering. So why the anxiety?

My son pointed out, "Dad, own the room when you walk in. Take control. You start off the conversation as soon as possible with the introduction and relaxing cross-table talk until everyone's ready, then pause, and hand it back to them"

It worked. Now it's a waiting game.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


...a formal agreement establishing an association or alliance between nations or other groups to achieve a particular aim.

I have to honor myself before others. Why? (Rhetorical). Because, that would say they are more important then me regarding my needs vs. my wants.

I have an associate friend I said I would assist to advance his state-of-the-art internet tool in an effort to get much needed revenue and reference. Remuneration only provided on the actual sale of the product. No base salary relief. That's where I (and another) come in. Problem is, I do not consider myself a salesperson. I do not have the drive to adhere to some principle of getting my foot in a door. I am comfortable with 'soft' attempts where I plant a seed but, if the receiving individual shows no signs of interest, then I'm outta' there. Maybe that's why I wasn't very good at bartering at a garage sales. You either want it or you don't or you're willing to settle for just getting rid of the product. He fortunately has paid into this product dearly and is looking for help in the advancement.

My friend wants to continue to drive me a bit but I am more focused on my career search then his product. Makes sense, right? I'll give when I can and continue to be true to myself.

The alliance is to myself for now.